What does it feel like to be a Dad?

I still remember the first time my oldest daughter Amanda got in her car, pulled away from the curb, and drove off, by herself. She took my heart with her. She was probably only driving across town, which in Ellensburg is just a few miles. But for me it was the beginning of an epic journey, the journey of letting go.

Five years ago I went to India to visit Amanda. My daughter Carrie went with me. Only she didn't really go with me because I left earlier. She came on a later flight, by herself. She was only 16! I prayed hard and wondered who she would sit beside on the plane.

Turns out she had a smooth flight and met interesting people. She was safe, and she made it, by herself. I was relieved when we picked her up at the airport and we had a Grand reunion!

The challenge and trauma of letting go is directly related to the intensity with which you're holding on. So in spite of the higher stakes and greater distances, it actually can get easier. At least I don't worry as much anymore. After all, their mother and I raised them to be independent, and to have adventures!

In November Carrie surprised us by showing up the day before Thanksgiving! But she wasn't staying long. She had asked to borrow my '86 camper van, and she was headed for Mexico!

I took the old Ford in to have its belts and hoses checked out, and whatever else they might find. I got the oil changed and found a replacement rear door at the wrecking yard to keep the wind & rain out. I went to Bi-Mart and bought a compact propane camp stove. We stocked the van with food and tried to think of anything else she might need. There are still things a Dad can do for his grown, fully independent daughter (whom he still thinks of as his little girl.)

A week later I handed over the keys to the van and watched her pull away from the curb and drive down the hill, by herself. Deja vu. My this seems familiar! What did I feel? Pride, excitement, fear, concern? All of the above. I felt like a Dad.

We live in Washington. Ellensburg is about 1300 miles from the Mexican border. I've made the trip 26 times. Carrie was with me on at least 3 of those trips. She had no doubts she could make it to Tijuana, and she had some friends and relatives she wanted to see along the way.

We followed her progress from home base, responding to various situations by offering what help we could: directions, advice, suggestions, contacts. And she arrived safely at her destination, by herself.

Where is my heart in all of this? Over the past 15 years I have watched 6 of our 8 children leave home. I feel like I'm in 5 different time zones! I think of them, pray for them, text them, call them, watch them on Facebook and Instagram, and when I am really blessed, I enjoy visits from them and to them. It sometimes feels complicated, sometimes overwhelming, but mostly full and fulfilling.

I love being a Dad, and I look forward to being a Grandpa, but it's a stretching experience to have your heart reaching halfway around the world!