Is Compromise a Bad Word?

Last week I shared my experience visiting Katie & Cole in Cleveland. While there I noted some differences between what Katie was looking forward to and what Cole had in mind. They had different expectations so they had to compromise.

I used to think that compromise was a bad word.

Some reasons I thought that:

• I am an Idealist, so if you can think of the best way things could be, that is the only way to go

• I am always right, and knowing what's right and not doing it is just wrong

• I am conscientious, so I try to follow my conscience as closely as possible

• I have deep convictions, and try not to let others sway me in my convictions

I have changed. I guess you could say I've compromised. At times there are some good reasons to compromise, like when Katie and Cole had different ideas of what to do during my visit. They could have each held stubbornly to their own expectations. But each of them demanding their plans were followed might mean doing things separately, and having me make hard decisions about who to spend time with. When you're committed to doing things together there must be negotiation and compromise.

Some points that have led me to accept compromise in my relationships:

• My wife is a Realist, so she considers not only what is best, but what is possible

• I am not always right, and even when I am right, I need to listen better

• I can be conscientious about my relationships, not only being aware of principles governing situations, but also sensitive to feelings

• My view of reality is one perspective, there are aspects of reality that others see and I can't

It was great to watch my daughter and son-in-law work through some of their differences in perspective, and to benefit from the compromises that got planned into the schedule.

Hopefully I've gotten the wheels turning for you. Valuing togetherness means putting a priority on good communication. When we express ourselves and get our thoughts and ideas "on the table," differences surface. Being able to adjust our expectations and make some compromises, we increase our enjoyment of doing life together!