Feeling Down?

"I came to understand that the cloud wasn't just over my head; it was inside it."

- Bill Johnson

It was Wednesday, the day after Valentine's, and the feelings were gone. I'm not talking about romantic feelings or love for my wife. I began to have anxiety and worry about things. I felt discouraged and I was losing motivation.

Five years ago when I had my first bout of depression, I said to myself, "This must be what it feels like to be low on Serotonin!"

Since then I've learned a lot. The depression went away after about three years, but some of the feelings still come back: Fear, anxiety, discouragement. But sometimes it's just an awareness of the good feelings that aren't there.

I talked to my daughter Carrie yesterday. She was just "not feelin' it." "I don't understand," she said, "the sun is shining, my husband is always trying to cheer me up, we even have this cute little puppy dog. But I'm having a hard time feeling a sense of worth, like I'm making a contribution. I tell myself I don't deserve this."

For me it's not just the sense of worth. I find that I'm not having good feelings at all. At one point I asked myself, "Is feeling good overrated? Do I place too much importance on feeling good?"

Over the years I've had lots of discussions with students about the place of feelings in our life. There's a lot of advice out there. You'll hear everything from "You can't go by your feelings." to "Follow your heart!" (whatever that means) as well as variations on the theme "If it feels good, do it!" which people are saying by their actions even when they're not putting it into words.

My take goes something like this: Your feelings are like the gauges in your car. You can't ignore them - they serve a purpose. They tell you important stuff about how things are going. They're not the controls, but what they tell you helps you make informed decisions. The speedometer does not control how fast you're going, but it lets you know when to let up on the gas pedal. The gas gauge tells you when to pull into a station and fill up. Trouble lights tell you when to take your car to the shop.

A part of my problem seems to be that no one ever explained that what I do and think has a huge effect on how I feel. Feelings seem so uncontrollable - they just happen to you. Fear, anger, happiness. They're like waves and you either ride them or get knocked over by them.

I've noticed that often when I have to teach on something I'm still struggling with it myself. Wednesday night I presented a lesson on "Breaking Through: What to do when you're just not Feelin' it." It was actually really good for me - something I needed to hear - or needed to tell myself.

Here are a few pointers for "reading the gauges and adjusting your speed:"

•Physical obedience brings spiritual breakthrough. There are things we all know we're supposed to be doing - chores, duties, responsibilities. Faithfulness means that I choose to act, whether I feel like it or not.

•Sometimes you just have to “get going!” If you can figure out the next thing you need to do - Just do it! Most of us find this especially hard first thing in the morning. But as we start moving, feelings begin to change. In other words: “Do it, and you’ll feel it!”

•Right actions release right emotions and right thinking. Because of the relationship between our body, soul & spirit, each one affects the other. Sometimes these effects are "flowing backwards" as we begin by "going through the motions."

I hope you have a great week! I intend to. Let's do good whether we feel like it or not! And Pray that Good Feelings will follow.